by Artie Knapp

Short Film
Email: [email protected]

Fed up with today's dating scene, a man employs a creative strategy to meet the woman he desires.


A short comedy script


Artie Knapp

Fade in:

James, a 32 year old male, is standing in his living room looking out the window.  He looks down at his watch, and then back out the window shaking his head.  He takes a big drink of beer when suddenly his telephone rings.  He walks over to the other side of the room to answer the phone.

James– (Mumbling to himself) “She better have good excuse.” (He proceeds to answer the phone.) “Hello!”

(Cut to James’ friend Mike)

Mike – “What are you doing home?  I was going to leave you a message saying I hope you’re having a good time on your date.”

James – “Mikey, she didn’t even show.  She hasn’t phoned either.  I thought this might be her.”

Mike – “Well that sucks.  That whore.”

(Mike and James both laugh)

James – “Dude I’m telling you, this is how it is today. Dating sucks!  Be happy you’re married and have someone.  Not only is it hard to meet woman today, but when you do you have to deal with this shit.”

Mike – “I’ve been thinking James; you know what you need to do?

James – “Don’t tell me, eHarmony right?”

Mike – “No, you need a plan of action.”

James– (Puzzled) “What?”

Mike – “A plan of action. What I mean is you need to integrate yourself with a group of women.  Some way, some how, that’s what you need to do.”

James – “I’m all ears.”

Mike – “I’m not saying I have the answer on how you should do it, but an off the wall idea I have is to pretend you’re gay.”

James – “What the hell are you talking about?”

Mike – “Think about it James; girls warm up to gay guys right away because they aren’t a threat.”

James - “Well, that’s great but I’m not gay.”

Mike – “I know but once you’re in with them you can be the real you.”

James –“I don’t think deceiving them by lying about being gay is the right approach Mikey.”

Mike – (Pauses for a few seconds) “Your right! Your right!  I’m just trying to come up with something for you.  Wait a minute, that Irish pub you go to always has tons of hot women at it.” 

James - “Yeah I’m actually going there in few to get a drink.”

Mike – “But isn’t that where you always see that gay guy hanging out with that hot brunette and her friends?”

James –“Yeah it is, but scratch that idea dude. I’m not going that route.”

(Immediate cut to an exterior shot of an Irish pub)

(Cut to an interior shot of the Irish pub.  James is standing at the bar having a drink)

James – (A close up of James taking a drink of whiskey – shaking his head) “Dammit!”

(Cut to a table of beautiful woman socializing and having a ton of laughs.  At the center of it all is a gay guy who is obviously flaming)

(Cut back to James who is still shaking his head and then proceeds to polish off his whiskey)

(Immediate cut to Mike)

Mike – “I told you James.”

James – “I know, I know. But I’m still not going to pretend I’m gay dude.”

Mike- “James, you need to do something.  Take a chance or you’re never going to meet that Brunette you like.”

James – “I will. I’ll think of something I promise you.”

(Immediate cut to an exterior shot of the Irish pub James last visited)

(Cut to an interior shot of the Irish pub.  The gay guy who was last seen with the group of hot girls is standing at the bar) 

Gay guy - (A close up will reveal the gay guy taking a drink of whiskey – shaking his head) “Dammit!”

(Cut to a table of beautiful woman socializing and having a ton of laughs.  At the center of it all is James.  Just a close up of James’ face reveals him smiling from ear to ear)

(Immediate cut back to the gay guy standing at the bar. He takes off his wig and is pissed his deception could no longer be put to use. In a manly voice he says) “That little bastard.” (He then proceeds to polish off his whiskey)

(Cut back to the table where James and the group of beautiful woman are still having a ton of laughs.  This time the camera will reveal James in a medium shot where he can be seen dressed as a Catholic Priest)

The beautiful brunette that James fancies – “Thanks Father!  You’re such a sweet gentleman.”

James – “My pleasure! I’m happy to help anyway I can.” 

(Cut to a close up of James who looks the camera dead on and gives an ornery grin and a wink)

Fade out:


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