THE FACTS OF LIFE

by Chris Beadnell

Short Film
Email: [email protected]

Saturday afternoon/ evening. Trevor (30's male) is out side playing with his kids Jake (3), and Tina (7). Through the window we see wife Sandra in the kitchen preparing dinner.







THE FACTS OF LIFE




Chris Beadnell










FADE IN…

Saturday afternoon/ evening. Trevor (30’s male) is out side playing with his kids Jake (3), and Tina (7). Through the window we see wife Sandra in the kitchen preparing dinner.

Sandra
‘Hon, dinner will be ready soon. Don’t get the kids too dirty, they’ve had already had their baths, OK’

Trevor
‘Yeah sure babe, no worries.’
Looks down at Jake playing in a mud heap
‘Oh no’
Picking up Jake
‘Jakey, you’re gonna get me castrated buddy. Hey Teen, can you take Jakey into the bathroom and wash him up a bit before dinner. And princess, don’t let Mummy see you, OK’

Tina
‘OK Daddy. Come on Jakey, let’s go’
Holds Jake’s hand as they walk towards the bathroom

Trevor
‘Sandy, how long ‘til dinner, love?’

Voice of Sandra
‘Oh, give us 5 or 10 minutes, hon. Can you send Tina in to set the table?’

Trevor
‘Ah, Yeah… I think she’s just taken Jake to the toilet babe’

Voice of Tina
‘I’ll be there in a minute Mummy!’

Trevor
‘I might just have a quick beer on the veranda before dinner love’

Voice of Sandra
‘Sure Hon’

Trevor walks to veranda and to the bar fridge, Trevor grabs a coldie and walks out to the setting on the veranda. Sits down, puts feet up on table, opens beer and has a swig.

Trevor v.o.
{Man, this is the life. Beautiful wife, great kids, good job, house and pool. Trev my boy, you’ve done pretty damn good for yourself mate}
Sound of Jake laughing

Voice of Tina
‘Mummy, Jake has just stuck your lipstick up his nose and he’s now picking red boogers!’

Voice of Sandra
‘JAKE!!!’

Trevor smirks.

[Few minutes pass]
Pan across view
Back to Trevor just finishing beer
Tina walks on veranda up to Trevor

Tina
‘Daddy, can I ask you something?’

Trevor
‘Sure princess, anything you want to ask’

Tina
‘What does sex mean?’

Trevor v.o.
{SHIT…SHIT…Holy Shit! Where has this come from?}

Looks at Tina who is looking quizzically back at him

{Well, I suppose she is seven, she keeps asking questions about everything else. She’s at school now, you know that kids talk. There’s sex everywhere on TV these days. Look at all those rap music video’s she watches. Far out. Isn’t her mother supposed to be telling her things like this?}

Tina
More assertive
‘Daddy, What does sex mean?!’

Trevor v.o.
{Well I am her father and I suppose this is one of those responsibilities that we just have to face. OK, here goes}

Trevor
‘Righto princess, come here and let’s have a chat’

Trevor points to the chair next to him. Tina sits on the chair and looks up at her Dad.

Trevor
‘Princess, do you remember a long time ago, when Mummy had Jake in her belly?’

Tina
‘Yeah, and she went to the hospital and she gaved birth to him’

Trevor
‘That’s right. That’s right. And do you know how Jake got into Mummy’s belly in the first place?’

Tina
Looks very bemused
‘Mummy said that the angel came from heaven and put Jake in her belly, cause it was a miracle’

Trevor
‘OK. Well sweetie, that’s not exactly right. You see, that’s what we told you when you were a much littler girl, but now, because you are more grown up, we can tell you what really happens’

Tina smiles

Trevor
Nervously
‘When a man and a lady love each other very, very much, like Mummy and Daddy, and sometimes they get married, they can get together, sort of… and like, make a baby, like, you know Jake was made by Mummy and Daddy together, OK’

Tina
‘How did you and Mummy make Jakey, Daddy?’

Trevor
‘Yeah, well you know how Mummies and Daddies are, well different, like boys and girls are different, don’t you?

Tina
‘Yeah Daddy, girls have long hair and boys have short hair’

Trevor
‘Ahh, well not quite princess. You know when you have a bath with Jake, cause he’s a boy, well he has his little pee pee, but you’re different, cause you are a girl so you have your, umm…ahh…’


Tina
‘Bargina’

Trevor
‘Yeah… yeah…your vagina. Well Mummies have vagina and Daddies have a pee pee also, so as I said before, when they really, really love each other and they want to make a baby, like Mummy and I wanted to make you and Jake, well, umm… Daddies have some seed inside their pee pee, and Mummies have an egg inside their tummy. And when the seed and the egg get together, then sometimes a baby can be made. But the seed has to get into the Mummies body in the first place.’

Tina looking more puzzled

Trevor
‘So what the Daddy can do, when he really, really loves the Mummy, and they are grown up, like over 30, the Daddy can put his pee pee into the Mummy’s vagina and then the seed from the Daddy’s pee pee can go into the Mummy’s tummy and get to the egg, which then can make a baby’

Tina frowns

Trevor
‘So putting the Daddy’s pee pee into the Mummy’s vagina is what we call sex, OK’

Tina
‘OK Daddy’

Tina screws up her face

Trevor v.o.
{Mmmm…This is all a bit out of the blue.  I wonder if I should ask her where all this new curiosity about sex has come from}

Trevor
‘Princess, you know you can tell me anything, OK. Why did you want to know what sex meant?’

Tina
Rather shyly
‘Cause Mummy said to tell you that dinner would be ready in a couple of them’

Voice of Sandra
(Fading)
Trevor, you’re dinner’s getting cold!!!’

END

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